Rx for the Soul

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 24 May 2012 12:57:31 GMT

For family and friends -- the ultimate support system. Through the ups and downs: their prayers, encouragement, comfort, laughs, and love. Because when the wind is not blowing (oh God, especially when the wind is not blowing) they are our oars.

"When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares."
~ Henri Nouwen

"Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one."
~ Jane Howard

"If the wind will not serve, take to the oars."
~ Latin Proverb

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 17 May 2012 14:44:28 GMT

- For the gift of Faith...for without it I am lost in limbo.

It is what keeps me sane during trials and tribulations. In affliction and in happiness, in sickness and in health, it is what keeps my hope alive.

It is what helps me to be patient and trust in the will of God. It is what will save me.

You too have the gift of faith. Unwrap it today.

Faith is like radar that sees through the fog.
~ Corrie Ten Boom

As your faith is strengthened you will find that there
is no longer the need to have a sense of control,
that things will flow as they will, and that you will
flow with them, to your great delight and benefit.
~ Emmanuel

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

Happy Mother's Day

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Fri, 11 May 2012 14:52:55 GMT

                        Wishing all the moms a blessed Mother's Day.


                       I pray you'll be my eyes
                        And watch her where she goes
                        And help her to be wise
                        Help me to let go
                                                                Every mother's prayer
                                                                Every child knows
                                                                Lead her to a place
                                                                Guide her with your grace
                                                                To a place where she'll be safe
                        I pray she finds your light
                        And holds it in her heart
                        As darkness falls each night
                        Remind her where you are
                                                                Every mother's prayer
                                                                Every child knows
                                                                Need to find a place
                                                                Guide her to a place
                                                                Give her faith so she'll be safe
                        Lead her to a place
                        Guide her with your grace
                        To a place where she'll be safe

No portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. Copyright © 2004-2011 Rx for the Soul / Connie Perez. All rights reserved.

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 10 May 2012 13:50:29 GMT

- For unexpected small gestures that make the sweetest of moments.

Warning: Such gestures may cause amazing side effects -- hard to say who'll get the most joy, the receiver or the giver.

Most of us are fortunate to be surrounded by people who show us their thoughtfulness; occasionally even unknowns touch us with gestures that leave us believing there are angels walking among us.

Let's not forget to pay it forward.

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

Keep the Pieces Coming

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Mon, 07 May 2012 20:59:55 GMT

Some days, today being one of those , I'm reminded how God moves me like a puzzle piece. Ready or not. Into every job, every trial, every experience, and life of every person I meet. Slowly forming each chapter of my life. Some parts of the picture seldom clear until years later, if at all. Some days, today being one of those, I wonder what the completed puzzle will look like. Most days I don't though. I just want Him to keep on arranging it. I just want those pieces to keep on coming.

“A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps.”
~Proverbs 16:9

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 03 May 2012 13:32:17 GMT

- For patience. Mine, but especially other people's with me.

“If I could store any character quality in a cookie jar, I’d store patience. Chocolate-chip patience cookies. And I’d eat them all at one sitting.”
~ Kintz

“Don't give up on the plant that looks dead... it may be that it's just not yet in season.”
~Burgner

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

Like I said...

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 14:46:15 GMT

...nothing like a picture to put you back in a "moment."

Last night my friend Wally (thank you Wally!) posted a picture on my Facebook wall from that incredible day back in '86 I wrote about a while back. That day when we found ourselves in the same room as Mother Teresa. Unforgettable stuff.

No portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. Copyright © 2004-2011 Rx for the Soul / Connie Perez. All rights reserved.

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 26 Apr 2012 13:50:49 GMT

- For cameras and digital photo frames.

I've loved cameras since childhood when I first got shutter fever. I treasure them for the moments they capture, for the words they create (I'm not a wordy person and I find my photos often speak for me), but most of all for the memories they record.

The digital photo frame is one of my favorite tech gadgets - A portable slide show of special moments. At the office, it's my desktop amusement. Every glance at it = an instant smile on my face, gratitude in my heart. Suggestion: Load one up with photos and give it to someone special. It's truly the gift that "keeps on giving." Remember, a picture's worth a thousand words.

"A good snapshot stops a moment from running away."
~ Eudora Welty

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 19 Apr 2012 15:27:25 GMT

2 things this Thursday morning:

- For answered prayers.

- For unanswered prayers.

It's been my experience that God answers prayer by saying "yes," "no," "wait" or in a completely different manner than I ever expected.

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

Maybe it's less about forgiveness...

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Fri, 13 Apr 2012 20:49:05 GMT

"that is because you have not allowed yourself to forgive me."

Words that stick. And nothing cues me to philosophize like words that stick. When do you know when you have forgiven someone? And for what exactly?

While giving it some thought, I remembered a quote I read once that said, in part, that forgiveness begins when you can think of that person and feel the power to wish them well. That made sense to me, and it's proven true for me, but when I shared that with a friend, it was rebutted with a reminder that forgiving and forgetting are two different animals and that such quote is bogus and does not apply to every situation. So much for my philosophizing. Ugh. Okay then, what if being able to wish them well is not enough because even when you do, some memories still unsettle you? Maybe I'm missing something, I thought. Can that quote apply to any situation?

Take broken friendships for example. They usually feel far more painful than any other kind of relationship, because friends choose to be present. Nothing is keeping them around other than a decision that this relationship is worth their time because you are special, and together you have a bond that can only be likened to sisterhood. It's considerably unconditional, so when it disappears, it can dig deeper into your heart than you might expect. I confess when I think about this subject I feel like a child who hasn't gotten enough attention. Immature, I know, but just the same. When the drifting happens and you suddenly find yourself pretty much out of that person's life completely, it makes you sad to see that you became just more of a sidelines kind of friend, and although you might have suspected that for some time, you really don't want to accept it.

You wonder how you could have been so off the mark in thinking yours was a life-long friendship, when clearly, the feeling was not mutual. Since this particular friend walked out so easily from your life, you have had to remind yourself on a next to daily basis, that it's okay, that it's just life. Your heart, however, aches. It feels like someone stole a little chunk that you can't get back. You know how it sounds to say these things, yet it seems to happen more than you would like to admit.

In this case, are the well wishes enough to serve as forgiveness? Does this even call for forgiveness? After all, who are we to have to forgive someone for ultimately wanting to play a lesser role in our life? Maybe we're afraid of what happens after there's forgiveness. When that wall is finally down, we may be, once again, susceptible to pain.

But then I read something that shed new light:

Forgiveness is:

Not a warm fuzzy feeling.

Not the re-establishment of trust.
Not an agreement that everything returns to the way it was.

Not a fake smile.

Not an automatic requirement to risk your vulnerability with that person again.

Not pretending it never happened.

Forgiveness is a choice -- I’m no longer holding them responsible to pay for my pain.

Even if the pain remains...at least for a while longer. And so in philosophizing about those words that stick, I realize that while forgiveness may not always be first on our list, acceptance must be. Because it allows us to start over and lessen the risk of ultimately losing big. As someone told me recently: "...faith helps for sure, but our weakness is in that we never really relinquish that which we cant control; if only we could, if only we would." Maybe it is less about forgiveness and more about acceptance. If only I could, if only I would.

"God doesn't give you the people you want; He gives you the people you need... to help you, to hurt you, to leave you, to love you and to make you into the person you were meant to be."

[Dedicated to Lauren -- In her own friendship lessons]

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 13:49:06 GMT

For second chances. All of them.

"There’s a crack in everything. That’s how the light gets in."
~ L. Cohen

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 16:58:49 GMT

- For today especially, this Holy Thursday -- His example of humility and His gift of the Euchrist.

“If I washed your feet—who am Teacher and Lord—then you must wash each other’s feet. What I did was to give you an example; as I have done, so must you do.” (John 13:1,15).

Reborn, renewed

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Mon, 02 Apr 2012 15:24:30 GMT

For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.

~ John 3:16

Dear family and friends, this Holy Week I pray that the love of God is resurrected, reborn, and renewed inside your hearts, giving you everlasting hope.

Believers know that the presence of evil is always accompanied by the presence of good, by grace... Where evil grows, there the hope for good also grows....In the love that pours forth from the heart of Christ, we find hope for the future of the world. Christ has redeemed the world: "By his wounds we are healed." (Isaiah 53:5)
~ Pope John Paul II

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 29 Mar 2012 14:12:28 GMT

- For my free unlimited Anytime wireless connection to God. Best plan out there hands down. [Or I'd be broke by now].
- For the opportunities that arise to get together with family.

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

Soldiers Deck of Card

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 21:11:55 GMT

A good friend sent this video to me. Check it out, I hope you enjoy it.

No portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. Copyright © 2004-2011 Rx for the Soul / Connie Perez. All rights reserved.

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 22 Mar 2012 13:39:35 GMT

-For the gift of Faith...who would I be without it? A crazed woman talking incessantly to herself. But no!
-For His unending grace...showering every aspect of my daily life.

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 15 Mar 2012 13:44:08 GMT

- For my job...and the friendships I have made there.
- For my new morning reading niche...and the occasional company there.

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

No portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. Copyright © 2004-2011 Rx for the Soul / Connie Perez. All rights reserved.

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 08 Mar 2012 14:12:48 GMT

For life's lessons -- 'cause I'm able to give my kids a heads-up.

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

No portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. Copyright © 2004-2011 Rx for the Soul / Connie Perez. All rights reserved.

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 01 Mar 2012 14:27:56 GMT

2 things this Thursday morning:
- For the warmth of the sun on my skin...Florida winter...aaaahhhh.
- For questions that make me go: "hmmm...."

~ Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

No portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. Copyright © 2004-2011 Rx for the Soul / Connie Perez. All rights reserved.

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 23 Feb 2012 15:58:35 GMT

For yet another great CCD year. And my students, soon to receive their Confirmation.
May the Holy Spirit guide them always.

Hem your blessings with thankfulness so they don't unravel.

I don't think He wants our chocolate.

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Tue, 21 Feb 2012 16:50:22 GMT

Every year I look forward to Lent. Although I could (and should) do it throughout the year, the 40 days before Easter are a meaningful way for me to slow down and reevaluate. And boy do I need to slow down and reevaluate! At no other time more than during Lent do I feel God asking me to step up to the plate and surrender something to Him that has been pulling me away from Him. And no, I don't mean chocolate.

Sure, some of us give up

sweets, or social networking, or coffee, or wine, or shopping, and that's fine, because detaching from stuff that may have gained power over us and exercising self-control often serves to awaken our spiritual self. But I don't think that's really the kind of surrendering God wants from us. I'm not saying giving up these things is not sacrifice enough for Lent. Trust me, 40 days without chocolate a cranky girl makes. However, I've learned that chocolate doesn't keep me from sitting in peace through Mass, but refusing to move forward with God's plan does; that social networking is not a barrier between me and Christ, pride is; and that coffee doesn't harden my heart, resentment does.

Lent is a time to work on ourselves and to remember His suffering and His sacrifice in a meaningful, physical, and spiritual way, so we can prepare to celebrate the Resurrection with full joy. I know the times I gave up just things of the flesh, I didn't really grow all that much and when Easter came I felt spiritually bummed. That's why I think we need to challenge ourselves to take a hard look at where we're struggling and focus our Lenten sacrifices there. We need to truly participate in the Cross in order to be transformed and receive the blessings this sacred season promises. As for me, my surrendering kicked in a few days early this year, and I pray that tomorrow morning as I receive the blessed ashes, I am given the strength to continue my Lenten challenge: to let go of things of the past so I can find peace, to give up my pride and put love into action, to offer my bitterness for forgiveness -- yeah I'm going for broke I know, wish me luck.

Everyone's journey of Lent is different of course. Whatever you choose to give up, take on, give in, or offer up, make it something meaningful for you. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you reach a deeper level of holiness and don't be afraid to do something that will really test you. Live a better Lent this year. Nothing to lose in trying really, but much to gain. Let's trust that ultimately in our struggle God will transform us. Because Lent isn't for God you know, it's for us. I don't think He wants our chocolate...He wants us!

Have a blessed one my dear friends and family.

Give up complaining——focus on gratitude.

Give up pessimism——become an optimist.

Give up harsh judgments——think kindly thoughts.

Give up worry——trust Divine Providence.

Give up discouragement——be full of hope.

Give up bitterness——turn to forgiveness.

Give up hatred——return good for evil.

Give up negativism——be positive.

Give up anger——be more patient.

Give up pettiness——become mature.

Give up gloom——enjoy the beauty that is all around you.

Give up jealousy——pray for trust.

Give up gossiping——control your tongue.

Give up sin——turn to virtue.

Give up giving up——hang in there!

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 14:25:21 GMT

For my mother, who turns 80 this Saturday.

Having lost my father when he was a young 56, I know how blessed I've been to have been given my mother's company all these years.

If the whole world were put into one scale, and my mother in the other, the whole world would kick the beam.
~ Lord Langdale

So faith, hope, LOVE remain...

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Tue, 14 Feb 2012 14:08:37 GMT

"So faith, hope,
love remain,
these three;
but the greatest
of these
is love."
~ 1 Corinthians 13:13

Happy Valentine's Day!

Thankful Thursdays

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 09 Feb 2012 14:15:02 GMT

Some time ago while reading One Thousand Gifts, a book wherein the author embraces everyday blessings, I thought to start my own list. At first, it was a piece of cake, but once I was done listing the obviously important big stuff like health, family, faith, friends, etc., it became progressively difficult because I didn't want my list to take a shallow tone as I started to pen down things like dark chocolate, daisies, sun block, café Cubano....But truth is, I am thankful for those things too! Ironically, it's been precisely the small stuff that's often made me realize that even on days when I feel anger, anxiety, exhaustion, pain, unforgiveness, disappointment, fear, or what have you, there's always, always, always something to be thankful for.

What's great about this exercise is that it prompts me to reflect on more than the obvious. It opens my eyes, especially on days when my sight is blurred by discontent, to a slew of gifts that show me that in the succession of frames my life is there are many snapshots of happy. And because I find it difficult to be both genuinely grateful and grumpy at the same time, I end up choosing to antidote my toxic emotions with gratitude, and consequently make peace with what's on my plate.

On that note, I'll be posting "Thankful Thursdays." Please join me every week and share your "gifts" too (here, on the blog's Facebook and/or Twitter pages) when the post comes out. Don't miss the chance to deliberately contemplate and share your blessings, big or small, and trigger someone else's snapshot of happy.

I'll kick off today's with a biggie: I'm thankful for my children...they are my oxygen; and Cuban coffee...it helps me keep up with them.

Your turn.

"In daily life we must see that it is not happiness that makes us grateful, but gratefulness that makes us happy."
~ Steindl-Rast

A Matter of Inconvenience

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Fri, 20 Jan 2012 20:52:44 GMT

As of the start of this writing, what I'm feeling is disappointment. I trust by the time I post it I will feel differently. The last couple of days though, whole other story.

Earlier this week, my son was rear ended by a teenager obviously not paying attention. Fortunately no one was hurt. This story should end right here, because what else should matter? Except that like with most incidents, there are consequences to deal with. In this instance, getting our vehicle repaired. To that end, my husband and I chose to play nice (as we would hope others would do for us) in an effort to save the other teen from the wrath of license points and higher insurance, and agreed to work out an arrangement between the adults for the auto repairs. Within minutes a deal was reached verbally and in writing and everyone went on their merry way. Worked out for all. Or so I thought.

I won't get into details so as not to crank myself up again, but suffice it to say the events that followed have put a dent (no pun intended) in my willingness to trust another's word (at least for the time being). What ever happened to accountability and responsibility? A good reminder that life is a constant lesson. I live and learn.

Despite the turn this eventful week took, I feel good about our initial choice to help another and even better about our actions thereafter. Surely, I'm still bothered by the whole thing (honestly, up until last night I was kind of mad and frustrated....grrrrr!....that kind), but that passed. I can't say the same about my being disappointed. I'm still feeling that, although that's passing too.

After all, in the grand scheme of things, I realize this mostly is a matter of inconvenience. We have to take the time and spend the money to replace the damaged part on the truck, while my cousin's husband patiently, eagerly, and faithfully awaits a new heart to replace the damaged one in his body.

'Nuff said.

"I thank Thee first because I was never robbed before;
second, because although they took my purse they did not take my life;
third, because although they took my all, it was not much; and fourth
because it was I who was robbed, and not I who robbed."
~Matthew Henry

"It all depends on how we look at things, and not on how things are
in themselves. The least of things with a meaning is worth more in life
than the greatest of things without it."
~Carl Jung

Simply, thank you.

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Fri, 13 Jan 2012 22:02:55 GMT

It's been over 7 years since I first started sharing tidbits of writings with my closest allies, despite doubting anyone would be interested in what I thought or had to say. It was the surprising feedback I received that prompted the creation of Rx for the Soul shortly thereafter.

The past few years this blog has enjoyed visits not just from those close allies, but also from thousands of guests from all over the States and across the pond.

I thank you for your visits, your reading, your countless comments, e-mails, and texts supporting and critiquing the posts, for subscribing, for even "liking" and "following" it in the world of cyberspace, and yes, for passing it on.

I hope that this year I can provide to you words that count, and that you continue to be part of this blog, and my life.

God bless.

"Fill your paper with the breathings of your heart."
- William Wordsworth

Be up to the Test!

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Tue, 10 Jan 2012 16:43:55 GMT

A good friend shared this with me today. I want to share it with you:

Several years ago, a preacher from out-of-state accepted a call to a church in Houston, Texas. Some weeks after he arrived, he had an occasion to ride the bus from his home to the downtown area. When he sat down, he discovered that the driver had accidentally given him a quarter too much change. As he considered what to do, he thought to himself, 'You'd better give the quarter back. It would be wrong to keep it.' Then he thought, "Oh forget it, it's only a quarter. who would worry about this little amount? Anyway, the bus company gets too much fare; they will never miss it. Accept it as a 'gift from God' and keep quiet.'

When his stop came, he paused momentarily at the door, and then he handed the quarter to the driver and said, 'Here, you gave me too much change.' The driver, with a smile, replied, 'Aren't you the new preacher in town?'

'Yes' he replied.

'Well, I have been thinking a lot lately about going somewhere to worship. I just wanted to see what you would do if I gave too much change. I'll see you at church on Sunday.'

When the preacher stepped off the bus, he literally grabbed the nearest light pole, held on, and said, 'Oh God, I almost sold your Son for a quarter.'

Our lives are the only Bible some people will ever read. This is an example of how much people watch us as Christians, and will put us to the test! Always be on guard -- and remember -- You carry the name of Christ on your shoulders when you call yourself 'Christian.'

Watch your thoughts; they become words.

Watch your words; they become actions.

Watch your actions; they become habits.

Watch your habits; they become character.

Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

Have a great day!

Win or lose, it's how you play the game...of Life.

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Mon, 09 Jan 2012 22:24:05 GMT

Don't tell Tebow this is all just about football. Tebowmania is about so much more.

Before the game yesterday, he met with 16-year-old Bailey Knaub from nearby Loveland, Colorado. The girl is battling Wegener's Granulomatosis, a disease that affects the vital organs, and has undergone six dozen surgeries, chemotherapy, and has lost a lung. She is the 13th "wish kid" Tebow has hosted at a game this season. "You know, I'm playing a game, but this little girl has had 73 surgeries and she's fighting for her life. That's real perspective," Tebow told reporters. "I'm very thankful for the platform that God has given me...because I have an opportunity to affect people," Tebow said during the post-game conference last night.

Aside from going on yearly mission trips to the Philippines since he was 15 years old, Tebow talks in hospitals, schools, and prisons here in the U.S. His foundation funds a ministry that supports 650 orphans. This offseason, he'll again visit the Philippines, this time to break ground on a children's hospital, a 30-bed surgical facility scheduled to open in 2013.

I'm a fan. Not just because I like the Gators, not just because I was at that incredible National Championship Game in '09, and not just because I met him and shook his hand last June. I'm a fan because of what he represents -- what is good and decent about humanity. I hope and pray God gives him the courage to continue to walk his talk.

[Tebow threw for 316 yards against the Steelers yesterday.
His average per yard was 31.6.
The peak in view rating was 31.6.
All of this on Jan 8, the three year anniversary of Tebow wearing John 3:16 in the 2009 National Championship Game which sparked 90 million Google searches for John 3:16.

Just sayin'.]

My wish for you...

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Thu, 22 Dec 2011 17:14:23 GMT

My dearest family and friends, another year of precious life has gone by. I take this moment to wish all of you wonderful days ahead. Days filled with health, happiness, love, peace, prosperity, good company and lots of laughter...lots and lots of laughter. I wish you a delightful Christmas and a happy New Year: may it bring you new hopes and renewed vigour to traverse the way before you.

Though I may not be with each of you in person, I am always with you in spirit. May God bless you, my friends, my family, today and always. Catch you again in 2012.

With much love and prayer,
Connie

Another year I enter
Its history unknown;
Oh, how my feet would tremble
To tread its paths alone!
But I have heard a whisper,
I know I shall be blest;
"My presence shall go with thee,
And I will give thee rest."

What will the New Year bring me?
I may not, must not know;
Will it be love and rapture,
Or loneliness and woe?
Hush! Hush! I hear His whisper;
I surely shall be blest;
"My presence shall go with thee,
And I will give thee rest."
- Author Unknown-

The True Meaning of Christmas

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Fri, 09 Dec 2011 14:23:57 GMT

Hoping all of you are enjoying this Advent season.

No portion of this publication may be reproduced without prior written consent. Copyright © 2004-2011 Rx for the Soul / Connie Perez. All rights reserved.

Scenes Everlasting

ccp@thesoulsentinel.com (Connie Perez) — Mon, 28 Nov 2011 21:51:00 GMT

Some of you may have caught the recently televised Farrah Fawcett documentary chronicling her battle with cancer. It is a very moving and insightful piece. For me, it was a transparent reminder of what an unforgiving and horrendous disease this is, and of the role courage plays within the realm of it. The documentary hit close to home, to say the least, and prompted this writing. You see, cancer killed my sister. It killed my beloved father too. His, a story for another time. Hers is the story I write about today. A story of courage worthy of a book not an essay, but the gist of it will suffice here.

To say that my sister was a delicate person is an understatement. A drown in a glass of water type person. Which is why the day I heard the news I thought to myself, "Oh no, how’s she gonna deal with this?”

        I was at work the afternoon I got the dreaded call from her: "It’s me,” her voice cracking with emotion, “I have a brain tumor." It was the diagnosis I so feared and had tried not to think about during the two weeks of her medical tests. She had, from one day to the next, begun to invert numbers and forget names. Yes, just like that, from one day to the next. Such is life, darn it! Anyway, I swallowed that bitter news with the same difficulty one would swallow a mouthful of nails, and left my office en route to my mother's house with the tough undertaking of dressing up bad news. Except mothers have a sixth sense. I have not since seen that look on my mother's face. A look like no other that only a mother could exhibit at the piercing sound of such words.

        That night at my sister's house I sat on her bed while she nervously packed her bag to leave to the hospital where surgery awaited her, and I sensed in her the disbelief of it all, the uncertainty of it all.  I couldn’t believe it myself actually. But my biggest preoccupation was not with the problem at hand but with how and if she would be able to cope with it. That’s how uncourageous I thought my sister to be. Tisk, tisk…she sure showed me.

        The surgery confirmed our biggest fear -- a malignant grade four tumor -- and accomplished nothing more than a slight reduction of its size and swelling around it.  Its location meant quality vs. quantity of life. Prognosis: A sucky one. It would take nothing short of a miracle for her to live another six months. The fact she surpassed those odds five times over was precisely that miracle. What transpired in the following two years and nine months was a roller coaster ride powered by sheer courage.

        Now, the dictionary defines courage as "the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear." Without fear? I think its definition needs to be revised. I think is should state "despite" fear." Because my sister experienced fear, I can tell you that for certain. I saw it. But somehow she looked at fear in the face and said "you're on."  And I believe that somehow was the grace of God. It helped her cope with the pain, the setbacks and the grueling treatments, without giving up, throwing in the towel, or curling up in bed. She was bald and tired, and on a hot day would still put on her makeup, toss away her wig, and leave her house head naked. Despite the fear. Drown in a glass of water? Not!

        Fast forward two and a half years after diagnosis. Numerous treatments, a second brain surgery, much pain and some laughs later. The defining moments are many, but some heart-wrenching scenes in particular often play in my head unsolicited like some sad dramatic movie one has watched too many times.

Scene 1: She’s standing in her kitchen one moment, falling over the next, not able to walk on her own again after that.

Afterward, her sight started to fail a little every week. Her appetite by then disappearing, but not before her ability to swallow did; she felt hungry but could not eat. And that’s when things took a rapid turn for the worse. Not much more could be done at that point to slow down the runaway freight train her cancer was on. And it was at this point that I heard her complain for the very first time.

Scene 2: Already residing at the hospital, my mother and I try to lift her from the reclining chair to help her with her daily physical therapy, but the touch of our hands had become too painful for her sore body to bear. She flops back on the chair and with tears in her eyes says, “I can no more."

        The one and only time. She never again was able to stand up after that. A couple of days later she stopped talking, her words eluded her, although she remained awake and alert for weeks. Eventually, the freight train slowed down to what seemed like a slow motion pace. This evil that was devouring her health now wanted to make its point. And the waiting game began.

        In the midst of it all, I had to undergo surgery of my own to remove some breast cysts. Can you say perspective? I let myself be scared for all of ten seconds. At any other time in my life this would have consumed me, but at the time that inconvenient scare fell to the bottom of my totem pole. Not because I wanted it to, but because I felt unworthy of complaining. I even kept the surgery from my mother and showed up to the hospital the next night concealing a very swollen and bruised breast.

        Meanwhile, my husband was running out of things with which to entertain our kids at home while I spent the nights at the hospital. I have a picture he took of them exactly a month before my sister died, wearing pots on their heads. Later I pinned that picture up in my work area and a co-worker said to me, “Hey, I didn’t know your kids were potheads.” Ha! I still have that picture up, and that still cracks me up. My sister adored my kids and had seen them last right before she took that downhill turn.

Scene 3: I’m standing by her bed holding a small poster my kids had made for her with pictures of them on it. She hadn’t been very responsive in some days, and we had begun to think she couldn’t see much of anything anymore. I hold up the poster in front of her face, she gasps and cries.

It killed me. For the longest time I felt bad because I thought that had caused her pain. I don’t pretend for a minute to know what went through her mind. I wish I did. I still do. But I’m better off believing that those were tears of happiness because she longed to see them so and she got a glimpse of them one last time. Yes, I’m better off believing that.

Soon after, she was on oxygen and morphine 24/7, and pretty much out of it. Oh, the sound of that oxygen machine! To this day I cringe every time I walk by our fish tank. I detest that sound. By this time she needed to be suctioned often. Something not many could stomach or muster witnessing.

Scene 4: I’m standing by her bed holding her hand while the nurse performs the agonizing task of inserting a hose down her nose, and I watch her tears roll down her face. Even then, morphined to the max, her pain evidently present.

Yes, life can be rough and tough, and sometimes it may seem like there is no God. But people like my sister and countless others who bravely battle this disease are proof that God is alive and well, watching over us, and living inside each of us. Because how else can one endure something like that? I never heard her say a negative thing about God or ask why her, nor did I ever see her faith waver. On the contrary. And I’m convinced it was that resignation and utter faith what fueled her courage.

Well, the excruciating and challenging episodes are many. And in the end my sister, like my father, succumbed to cancer at a very young age. Her deterioration, like his, a prolonged nightmare.

Scene 5: A frail and pale body lies in front of me, a peculiar odor emanating from under her nails…her living body decomposing right before my eyes.

        The night before she died, while I tried to get some sleep in that haunting reclining chair, as I dozed off and on, I saw her sitting up in bed, something she had not been able to do for some time, since she was transferred over to the hospice unit. I blinked and cleared my eyes and saw her laying back down again. Days later my mother told me she saw that same night a Virgin-looking image, as she described it, in the room, disappearing behind the curtains. My strong faith leads me to believe that my sister’s soul was taken hours before her body gave out.

        We had been on standby for days since the doctors told us she could go at any moment. But she wouldn’t. So as usual, that day I went home to see my children and husband late in the afternoon before returning to the hospital to spend the night. She waited until I left, and died. You’re kidding me, right? I was so mad, almost disappointed. For days I had prayed to God to end it, to spare her from further suffering, but to let me be by her side when the time came. I was alone in the hospital room with my father the night he took his last breath, and my sister knew how hard that had been for me. I believe it was me she thought needed to be spared. Although I was home at the time, I sensed her death seconds before the phone even rang. I had felt her spirit around me. Engulfing me and filling me with her courage for those days to come.

        My sister was a beautiful person, inside and out. She was loved beyond measure by many. And her testament of courage is a lesson to all who knew her. I miss her shy smile, her obsessive neatness, her relentless thoughtfulness, our countless conversations throughout the day, her solid advice, her unfailing call always the first on my birthday, the way she loved my kids.... Innumerable wonderful scenes etched in my mind forever.

There are stars whose light only reaches the Earth long
after they have fallen apart. There are people whose
remembrance gives light in this world, long after they
have passed away. This light shines in our darkest
nights on the road we must follow.
     ~ The Talmud

Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.
    ~ Anais Nin